March 19, 2018 Monday 7:17pm Ran into my true love’s dad today….

Today’s post is about me. Everyone has that one love, the one that got away maybe? The one that should have been but timing was wrong? The one that you miss out on but find again 50 years later when both of you are widowed and it is as if time has not passed. Yes that one!

Today I ran into his dad at the grocery. I have seen him in random places over the years because he does live within 4 miles of my house. He also does hospital visits to the Catholic patients and has visited my mom a few times not knowing it was her until they got to talking about their children.

There is not a day that goes by he does not cross my mind. Is it wrong for my mister? Perhaps. Does it mean I love him any less? No. Do I know if he thinks of me? Yes I do, and yes he does. How do I know? We still have mutual friends and are cordial to one another. We run into each other at big celebrations like 40th birthdays etc. We hug each other a little tighter and longer than than regular friends. We look at each other with the look our close close friends smile at us. We talk about the weather, our families, work, ya know the average small talk, then…..THEN we just STARE and do not move as the rest of the world goes by. It can be a solid five minutes with nothing being said until I say, “you need to go” and he replies, “I can’t”.

A few years ago his wife, him, and myself went to a college football game. I was the one with the tickets and he said the only way he could go was to bring her. She I believe knows our history. Now we have never cheated on our significant others, as much as we have come to the line we have never crossed it. We were together from 6am until about 9pm. His wife was not really into football, and this particular game was a HUGE college football matchup. College Game Day was there, all kinds of national media were there, our QB had just won the Heisman. It was a big game!! I say all this to explain even though she insisted on going, she was interested in the pizazz that was going on around us, so she left us alone. People say one can tell if a guy likes you by the things he does, ie:changing your lightbulb without asking, fixing a broken chair. Well all the little things he did for me proved over and over he still loved me. On the way home, she fell asleep and the country song that says something to the effect “lying in bed while I’m thinking of you” came on. It’s a famous old song. Well when he came on he looked in the rear view mirror to see his wife sleeping then turned to me in the front passenger seat and smiled ear to ear. This came on about 10 minutes from dropping me off at my house. When he walked me to the door he not me hugged me so tight and so long there was no doubt what he was saying, then he said it, “I don’t want to let go”.

Now why are we not together? It is all on him. We have had many talks. He showed up at my house at 2:30am banging on my window telling me “I choose you” a month after I told him I was engaged. I called him after the mister asked me and told/asked him what did he want me to do? I would have left the mister had he said so but he said he could not be the reason I broke it off, I had to do it on my own. Maybe it is my fault partially. But the night he showed up I told him it was too late. His major holdup was me not being able to have a child and the issues with my dad. I get he wasn’t man enough to deal with it but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I will forever have confirmation from his cousin that introduced me to his wife then current girlfriend as ‘the girl he should marry because they have a passion like I have never seen”. I was invited to his wedding and when the cousin came up to me at the reception he asked how was holding up? For the next three minutes he hugged me so tight as I cried like s baby. He just held me and said, “it should be you“.

Why do I rant? Because seeing his dad brings me a tad closer to him and makes me long for just a glance or touch from him. It sucks it really sucks!!